Why This Matters
Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Without honest feedback, you can't improve. But most people either avoid giving feedback entirely or deliver it so harshly that it damages relationships. Learning to give feedback that helps people grow—and to receive feedback without becoming defensive—is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.
Key Principles
- 1.Be Specific, Not General
"Your presentation was good" tells someone nothing. "Your opening story grabbed my attention and your data was clear" gives them something to repeat.
- 2.Focus on Behaviour, Not Character
"You interrupted three times in that meeting" is feedback they can act on. "You're rude" is a character judgment that puts them on the defensive.
- 3.Use the SBI Model
Situation-Behavior-Impact: "In yesterday's meeting (situation), when you presented without checking the numbers (behavior), it made us look unprepared to the client (impact)."
- 4.Receive Without Defending
When receiving feedback, resist the urge to explain or justify. Listen, ask clarifying questions, and say "thank you." Process it later before deciding what to act on.
- 5.Say Thank You—Even When It Stings
Someone giving you honest feedback is taking a risk to help you grow. Even if you disagree, thank them for the courage it took. You can decide later what to do with it.
Practice with AI
Use these prompts with ChatGPT, Claude, or any AI assistant to practice this skill:
Practice Prompt:
"I need to give feedback to a colleague who [situation]. Help me structure it using the SBI model. Then roleplay as my colleague receiving it so I can practice."
Get Feedback:
"Someone gave me this feedback: [feedback]. Help me understand what they might really mean and how I could act on it."
Key Insight
"We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others judge us by our behaviour."
— Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Books to Explore
- • Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
- • Radical Candor by Kim Scott