It Is Not Just About Money
Ask most people why they work, and they will say "for money." That is true, but only partly. If money were the only thing that mattered, then everyone with the same salary would be equally happy. But they are not.
Scientists who study motivation have found that once people have enough money for their basic needs, other things start to matter more. Much more.
Understanding what really drives people—including yourself—is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. It helps you lead teams, build friendships, and understand why people do strange things.
What People Really Want
Here are five powerful motivators that drive human behaviour:
1. Recognition
People want to be seen and appreciated. A simple "thank you" or "good job" can mean more than a bonus. Think about how good it feels when someone notices your effort.
2. Purpose
People want their work to matter. Knowing that what you do helps someone or makes a difference gives energy and meaning. Without purpose, even easy work feels exhausting.
3. Belonging
Humans are social creatures. We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves—a team, a group, a community. Feeling excluded is genuinely painful.
4. Growth
People want to get better at things. Learning new skills, overcoming challenges, becoming more capable—this is deeply satisfying. Stagnation feels like slowly suffocating.
5. Autonomy
People want some control over their lives. Being told exactly what to do all the time feels suffocating. Having choices—even small ones—makes work feel better.
Everyone Has Different Drivers
Here is something important: different people care about different things. Your friend might be driven by recognition, while you care more about growth. Neither is right or wrong.
Think about these examples:
- •Your classmate who always volunteers to present—they might need recognition
- •The person who works alone and hates group projects—they might value autonomy
- •Someone who joins every club and team—they might need belonging
- •The friend who takes extra courses for fun—they are driven by growth
When you understand what drives someone, you can work with them better, motivate them better, and avoid frustrating them.
The Big Mistake: Assuming Others Think Like You
One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming everyone is motivated by the same things they are. This is natural—we only know our own minds directly.
But it causes problems:
- •You love praise, so you praise your friend. But they find it embarrassing—they wanted help, not words.
- •You value independence, so you leave your teammate alone. But they felt ignored—they wanted connection.
- •You want challenges, so you give your friend a hard task. But they felt overwhelmed—they wanted support.
The solution? Ask. Watch. Listen. Pay attention to what makes people's eyes light up and what makes them shut down. Everyone gives clues about what they need.
How to Discover What Someone Really Wants
You cannot read minds, but you can become very good at reading people. Here are some approaches:
- •Watch what they do: Actions reveal priorities. What do they spend time on? What do they complain about missing?
- •Listen to what excites them: When do they become animated? What topics make them talk faster?
- •Notice what bothers them: Complaints often reveal unmet needs. "Nobody listens to me" suggests a need for recognition.
- •Ask directly: "What would make this project fun for you?" or "How can I help?" Simple questions reveal a lot.
The more you practise noticing, the better you get. Eventually, understanding people becomes almost instinctive.
Ancient Wisdom: Thirukkural on Understanding Others
Thiruvalluvar understood that truly knowing someone is rare and valuable:
"நன்றே தரினும் நடுவிகந்தாம் ஆக்கத்தை
அன்றே யொழிய விடல்."
Meaning: "Even if it brings good, abandon any gain achieved by unfair means." (Kural 113)
Understanding others is not about manipulation. The Thirukkural teaches that true wisdom is using knowledge of people to build them up, not to exploit them. When you understand what drives someone, use it to help them flourish.
Key Takeaways
- ✓Money is not the only motivator—recognition, purpose, belonging, growth, and autonomy matter too
- ✓Different people have different drivers—what motivates you may not motivate others
- ✓Assuming others think like you leads to misunderstandings and frustration
- ✓Watch, listen, and ask to discover what someone really wants
- ✓Use your understanding to help people, not to manipulate them
Reflection Question
Think about yourself first: What motivates you most—recognition, purpose, belonging, growth, or autonomy? Now think about a family member or close friend. What seems to drive them? Are your drivers the same or different?
There is no right answer. The point is to start noticing what drives different people.